Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Monday, 21 November 2011
Oops I set off a fire alarm at a job interview...
During university (post Range Rover) I was definitely in need of some cash flow $$. I was Kijiji'ing for jobs and came across one at the YMCA.
I received an email requesting I come to the interview. I was ecstatic.
Sitting, waiting for my name to be called, I met another girl. She had graduated from the Child Youth and Family program and had a Bachelor's degree from Guelph. "Hmm" she seems a little overqualified for such a simple position but eh, I just backed into a Range Rover so who am I to judge anything?
Well, we got to the room and it was a group interview. Two managers, two other interview-ees and myself. I sat down and read the papers in front of me.. "Job Description" read Teaching at day care, full time.
Well my immediate thought was "shit." I clearly applied for the wrong job. My stomach started churning. How exactly do you get out of a situation like this? It is a tiny room with 4 people clearly quite qualified for this stuff (all of whom were at least 25-45).
So the first question they asked was "When did you have a situation with a child in which you organized an activity and were proud of it?" One girl answered "Well, I had a situation where a child with Autism I worked with had to learn the concept of placement and where objects were placed" I came up with a ridiculous answer "Ummmm I'm not sure if you've heard of this but the Sarnia Cinderella Story is for people without a lot of money- they can come and pick out a prom dress. Anddddd yyeah, I helped out with that."
The interviewer replied "Hm, annd okay well that is nice."
The next question "Name a time when there was a conflict and you had to come up with some kind of solution"
One girl: "Well there was a time when there was a mouse in the classroom I taught and rather than everyone freaking out we made a game out of it and made a maze and a math game to solve problems. Afterwards I made them each an individual game with a paper mouse to take home and practise with their kids."
Next girl "Well the washroom overflowed in a portable classroom we were in and the kids needed a change room. So we made a makeshift change room at the back of the classroom and sort of turned it into a play."
My turn "Excuse me I feel SO ill excuse me while I go to the washroom- is there one near by??"
I literally stood staring in the mirror thinking "What the hell did you get yourself into??" At this point, they were holding the interview for me. The bathroom was immediately beside the interview room and I had no idea how we even got upstairs to the room. I slowly looked out the door and wondered how to get out without being seen. I saw a big red EXIT sign and decided to run. So I ran out the door and there was a flight of stairs. I ran to the bottom. Door said "DO NOT OPEN ALARM WILL SOUND".
So I ran back up the stairs to the door I had come out of. Well, there was no handle. IT was clearly meant for exits only. I ran up and down about 10 more times; thought about pounding on the door but figured I was screwed. I called my Mom, Dad, brother, sister, anyone for advice. Finally I called my friend Tara and asked her what I should do. She thought it was hilarious but at that time, I thought I was going to hurl. So I said "Tara, I'ma run for it." Well I ran out the door and that alarm did sound. Sounded so loud I had to sprint to my car. My shoe went flying in a garden, had to dig it out and keep running.
Sitting in my car I watched the YMCA clearing out; first the daycare children, then employees, then people working out. I drove away so fast and Tara was on the phone the whole time dying laughing.
Is it clear I didn't get the job? Or should I clarify that no, I did not receive employment of a full time teaching position with my lack of degree.
I received an email requesting I come to the interview. I was ecstatic.
Sitting, waiting for my name to be called, I met another girl. She had graduated from the Child Youth and Family program and had a Bachelor's degree from Guelph. "Hmm" she seems a little overqualified for such a simple position but eh, I just backed into a Range Rover so who am I to judge anything?
Well, we got to the room and it was a group interview. Two managers, two other interview-ees and myself. I sat down and read the papers in front of me.. "Job Description" read Teaching at day care, full time.
Well my immediate thought was "shit." I clearly applied for the wrong job. My stomach started churning. How exactly do you get out of a situation like this? It is a tiny room with 4 people clearly quite qualified for this stuff (all of whom were at least 25-45).
So the first question they asked was "When did you have a situation with a child in which you organized an activity and were proud of it?" One girl answered "Well, I had a situation where a child with Autism I worked with had to learn the concept of placement and where objects were placed" I came up with a ridiculous answer "Ummmm I'm not sure if you've heard of this but the Sarnia Cinderella Story is for people without a lot of money- they can come and pick out a prom dress. Anddddd yyeah, I helped out with that."
The interviewer replied "Hm, annd okay well that is nice."
The next question "Name a time when there was a conflict and you had to come up with some kind of solution"
One girl: "Well there was a time when there was a mouse in the classroom I taught and rather than everyone freaking out we made a game out of it and made a maze and a math game to solve problems. Afterwards I made them each an individual game with a paper mouse to take home and practise with their kids."
Next girl "Well the washroom overflowed in a portable classroom we were in and the kids needed a change room. So we made a makeshift change room at the back of the classroom and sort of turned it into a play."
My turn "Excuse me I feel SO ill excuse me while I go to the washroom- is there one near by??"
I literally stood staring in the mirror thinking "What the hell did you get yourself into??" At this point, they were holding the interview for me. The bathroom was immediately beside the interview room and I had no idea how we even got upstairs to the room. I slowly looked out the door and wondered how to get out without being seen. I saw a big red EXIT sign and decided to run. So I ran out the door and there was a flight of stairs. I ran to the bottom. Door said "DO NOT OPEN ALARM WILL SOUND".
So I ran back up the stairs to the door I had come out of. Well, there was no handle. IT was clearly meant for exits only. I ran up and down about 10 more times; thought about pounding on the door but figured I was screwed. I called my Mom, Dad, brother, sister, anyone for advice. Finally I called my friend Tara and asked her what I should do. She thought it was hilarious but at that time, I thought I was going to hurl. So I said "Tara, I'ma run for it." Well I ran out the door and that alarm did sound. Sounded so loud I had to sprint to my car. My shoe went flying in a garden, had to dig it out and keep running.
Sitting in my car I watched the YMCA clearing out; first the daycare children, then employees, then people working out. I drove away so fast and Tara was on the phone the whole time dying laughing.
Is it clear I didn't get the job? Or should I clarify that no, I did not receive employment of a full time teaching position with my lack of degree.
Oops I backed into a car... by car I mean Range Rover
Everyone knows Teenage Dream is a top 10 song. When it comes on can you really help but belt out the words? I couldn't. So much so that when backing out of my friend's driveway I Teenage Dream'ed my way inside of a big green car....while in my '99 beauty of a grand am.
Naturally, I did the sensible thing and rather then pulling back in the driveway I left my car in the middle of the road and in the green monster; went in and grabbed my friend and told her the news. Shortly after I had to knock on doors to see who's car I had hit (pretty kind of me, I thought). Finally found some weiner of a guy who's Dad owned the car and while walking to the car with me I noticed the back of the car did not read "Jimmy" like I thought it did, but a damn Range Rover.
Might have reconsidered hunting down the owner and put my conscience behind me had I of known it was a damn range rover.
Shortly after I received a call from his dad just screaming at me. (He explained it was a mint condition 2002 range rover). Well that dingleberry was a professor and his wife a lawyer. I'm sure they definitely could not afford to pay for it. After screaming at me, he faxed an estimate over to my mom's work. This little scratch...
cost me 3400$. Because I wasn't going through insurance, he only had to get one estimate. Thankfully I ended up going through and paying a $500 deductible but my insurance is screwed and I can't buy a car until 2014. Had to go home on weekends and work to pay that sucker off. Also, didn't want to go back to school so I parked my car at a parking lot near my house and hid in my room so my Mom thought I had gone back to Guelph. Then she heard me sneeze..... FML
Naturally, I did the sensible thing and rather then pulling back in the driveway I left my car in the middle of the road and in the green monster; went in and grabbed my friend and told her the news. Shortly after I had to knock on doors to see who's car I had hit (pretty kind of me, I thought). Finally found some weiner of a guy who's Dad owned the car and while walking to the car with me I noticed the back of the car did not read "Jimmy" like I thought it did, but a damn Range Rover.
Might have reconsidered hunting down the owner and put my conscience behind me had I of known it was a damn range rover.
Shortly after I received a call from his dad just screaming at me. (He explained it was a mint condition 2002 range rover). Well that dingleberry was a professor and his wife a lawyer. I'm sure they definitely could not afford to pay for it. After screaming at me, he faxed an estimate over to my mom's work. This little scratch...
cost me 3400$. Because I wasn't going through insurance, he only had to get one estimate. Thankfully I ended up going through and paying a $500 deductible but my insurance is screwed and I can't buy a car until 2014. Had to go home on weekends and work to pay that sucker off. Also, didn't want to go back to school so I parked my car at a parking lot near my house and hid in my room so my Mom thought I had gone back to Guelph. Then she heard me sneeze..... FML
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Oops I called the cops on a dead man on my lawn...
This is basically how that 911 call went.
"911 what's your emergency"
"THERE IS A DEAD MAN ON MY LAWN!!!"
"What!? Where are you? How do you know he's dead? Do you know him?? How did he die?"
"I DON'T KNOW ALL I KNOW IS THIS GUY IS DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LAWN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS!!!"
Within 3 minutes just as our friend was coming to pick up his "cell phone", my street (like I said, one of the busiest streets) was blocked with 4 police cars, 1 ambulance, and 2 firetrucks. It was mayhem.
Banana and I watched the whole thing and just as the firefighter ran up to the man and the paramedic was checking his pulse, the man opened his eyes. Well we just wanted to crawl under a rock. The guy stood up, looked around in absolute shock, and then stared at us. The cop asked him what he was doing there and he said it was his "napping place. I sleep here all the time, every day."
Well, this guy was wasted at about 2 PM but I guess that's our town for ya.
Some cops were pretty pissed but the firefighters thought it was hilarious. Hopefully nothing was on fire that they should have been attending to.
This guy got on his bike and rode away. When the firefighters were talking to me they asked if a bike in the middle of a sidewalk ON the kickstand was an indication someone had died.
I was absolutely mortified.
life of me!
Oops my wallet got stolen..and my purse...
New Years Eve I was working at a local grocery store and had my wallet at my cash till. After work, I thought I would be on my way to the bank to deposit my 200$ in Christmas money and going to the mall and to fill my car with my 300$ in gift cards from all over the place. At some point someone went in my till and took my wallet, which obviously was a jackpot for them with all that stuff in it. New Years Eve-no money, no fake ID, nothing. So as I'm pouting about it at home I was sitting in a wheeley computer chair rolling around my room, hoping I misplaced it. Well I rolled around and heard a crunch noise. Just crushed my brand new glasses. Now I can't see and I'm broke. So after a month I had all my ID replaced and was at work again and left my purse in my car (stupid). Someone broke in my car and stole my purse. Thankfully no money, just a scratch ticket and these bitches were kind enough to hang my purse on my mailbox with all my ID inside!!
However based on my luck I assume that scratch ticket was a $50,000 winner.
Just another day in the life of meee!!
However based on my luck I assume that scratch ticket was a $50,000 winner.
Just another day in the life of meee!!
Oops I brought a fanny pack of IV to school...
When I get sick, I don't just get a cold. Grade 10 came along and I got Mono. At first I loved it; all I did was sleep, couldn't do anything else. Then I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics (naturally). I was on IV and had an at home nurse and missed 3 weeks of school. Encouraging me to attend school, the nurse brought over a fanny pack that hooked up to my IV so i could still go to school. Well, I went to school after lunch. On my way to the office (it was slippery) I slid across the floor and hit a table outside the office, which somehow broke my fanny pack belt buckle. That was that, I marched my mono-ass right out of there and back to my couch.
Oops I dyed my hair and it looks like pubes...
Clearly the voluptuous hair just was not cutting it! I had to do something drastic. For the first time in my life, I'd dye my hair. It couldn't just be subtle though- it had to be big. So, I went to the store and bought the darkest brown I could find.
Praying to look like that girl on the box, I asked my wonderful Mom to help me create the new brunette modelesque look i was going for. She said she didn't think I should do it but obviously I knew best, I was going to look smokin'. Anyone who thought my hair had too much volume would just be staring now. Well, apparently I didn't realize how thick my hair was because we ran out of dye. Had to go to the store (with dye in my hair) and get a matching box. I wasn't too concerned though, I was going to look smokin'.
Well...shortly after that, the towel came off. I sreamed because I was a ghost. But I got used to the colour and the next day went to school with my hair straight and silky (that's what I thought).. and hoped for the best.
Well I heard lots of people saying "Pubes" throughout the day but I was in grade 9, I was clueless. Thankfully one of my besties Matty Szucs told me on our walk home from school that I had earned a new nickname. I was pumped, I had a nickname, third week of school, I was on a roll. Shortly after, Matty informed me that name was "Pubes". So I got home, realized my hair had become fried as shit (dried out, everything). Well I had just murdered my hair so I really couldn't dye it again. I guess having pubes on my head was better then being bald. Now looking back, I'm not so sure...
Praying to look like that girl on the box, I asked my wonderful Mom to help me create the new brunette modelesque look i was going for. She said she didn't think I should do it but obviously I knew best, I was going to look smokin'. Anyone who thought my hair had too much volume would just be staring now. Well, apparently I didn't realize how thick my hair was because we ran out of dye. Had to go to the store (with dye in my hair) and get a matching box. I wasn't too concerned though, I was going to look smokin'.Well...shortly after that, the towel came off. I sreamed because I was a ghost. But I got used to the colour and the next day went to school with my hair straight and silky (that's what I thought).. and hoped for the best.
Well I heard lots of people saying "Pubes" throughout the day but I was in grade 9, I was clueless. Thankfully one of my besties Matty Szucs told me on our walk home from school that I had earned a new nickname. I was pumped, I had a nickname, third week of school, I was on a roll. Shortly after, Matty informed me that name was "Pubes". So I got home, realized my hair had become fried as shit (dried out, everything). Well I had just murdered my hair so I really couldn't dye it again. I guess having pubes on my head was better then being bald. Now looking back, I'm not so sure...
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